Those Vows.

I thought I understood.

“All that is mine is yours.”

“In sickness and in health.”


“’till death do us part.”

Those vows.

Five years ago they seemed so black and white. We meant every word, and those sitting in the pews in the Duke Chapel that June 4th afternoon were to hold us accountable. The problem is what happens when what seems black and white becomes gray?

You see, nothing makes sense now.


I recently overheard a young woman complain about cooking for her husband and children. I walked away in tears. I remembered that feeling, but two weeks ago the realization I would never again cook you your favorite meal hit me.

The socks you left around the house.

The sweaty gym clothes whose aroma filled the bathroom.

The sweet texts just to say hi.

The flowers you bought me after your hard day at work.

Poor widow me.

Today I will bring you flowers.

Today I will wear all three of our rings.

Today I will try to remember the beautiful moments we shared over five years of marriage.

While we’re physically not together, I’m still yours. You still have my heart. I know our love lives on. Looks like one vow needs a little tweaking…

Happy Anniversary, Baby.

**Originally posted on June 4, 2016 (on our fifth wedding anniversary).**

#widow #grief #love #loss #healing

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