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Three Years.

{Never Not}

“A heart that is broke is a heart that’s been loved.” -Ed Sheehan.

April 16, 2016.

Three years ago today my world ended. It was the one time you left without hugging me, and the wink you gave me before you closed the door that night would be our last.

No matter how hard I try, the weeks leading up to this day are the most difficult. I have no energy or drive. The ‘fog’ returns and the sadness grows so heavy it’s difficult to remember my name or even breathe.

However, 20 years ago this year my adult life had just begun. I was the adorable freshman. You were the shimmying senior. We didn’t have a clue about how our lives would later become joined into one. We could never have imagined the journey life would gift us.

As the singer Lauv wrote, “I will never not think about you. Didn’t we have fun? Didn’t we have fun?” ❤️

Within the heartbreak and amongst the pain, I’ve started to find my new voice & new purpose. Billboards, a business, a scholarship, 2 prizes, a charity 5k, a listing in Duke’s library, a brick at NCSSM, work on a new law to stop hit & run drivers, and countless other ways we’ve kept you alive & fought to find those who took you from us.

I didn’t think I’d survive the first week without you. I didn’t want to. My heart literally felt as if it were physically breaking. I begged God to take me. But He didn’t. I’m standing today only because of His grace. He’s also teaching me how to smile again.

Rasheed, I miss you more than most could imagine, but thank God that broken hearts still beat. I’m learning how to put one foot in front of the other & to keep moving *FORWARD, never ON.

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